Happy Heart

Today was a special day for Colby that I want to document! Our decision to not use corporal punishment stems from the fact that true obedience is out of love and not fear. What good is obedience out of fear once a child is older and no longer fears the threat of pain. I want his odedience to be a heart thing!! I really try to drill in his head that God tells us........

we have to honor and obey our parents

God expects us to obey with a happy heart

that love is not rude

life is about making others have a happy heart

obedience is love and disobedience is rude

I will be honest, it can be extremeley hard not to spank his little booty when he pushes me to the limit!!  It takes a lot more time and energy to put him in time-out, make sure he remains there for 3 minutes, discuss why he went to time-out, replay what he should have done and what would have been a better choice, remind him that he disobeyed and Mommy does NOT have a happy heart!! I'm tired just thinking about the process we do several times a day, but I know the time invested now will produce a better outcome long term!!

Today a little light bulb went off in Colby's very HARD head! He stayed the night with his Gammy last night and then had a day full of truck shopping and adventures at the park. I called him just as he was leaving the park........

Hey Boo Boo. whatcha doing?

I pay at the park with Gammy!!

Oh wow! Are you having a good time?

Yea mam, I obey so dood and Gammy's heart is so happy!!

It was such a gratifying moment for me! I wanted to jump up, do a cheer, and top it off with a back flip,  but I quickly remembered I tried a back flip not too long ago and ended up in the ER.....I learned my lesson!

It was music to my ear.....
He understands that obedience is out of love and love is expressed through actions that makes others happy!

I was walking on SUNSHINE....at least for a moment!

It was time for wild-man to return home and you know how kiddos act after being with grandparents all-day........chaotic, I tell you!

Colby charges in the house like he is on a mission to be completely out of control. He started off using Chase's walker as a race car that crashed into my legs not once, but twice. Then, he proceeded to dump out every toy in the toy box and throw them across the room. Next, he almost tore the blinds off the window, ran away from me while I was trying to get him dressed for the game and told his Gammy NOOOOOO when she corrected his behavior.

At this point, Chase was screaming quit loud.....,,,I guess he feared the Tasmanian that was throwing toys his direction or maybe he was fearing the steam that was shooting from my ears at this point.

Now I'm yelling over Chase's screams for Colby to go to Time-Out and it became a rat race around the house to get him there, and the louder my voice got, the faster he ran away.

It's a good thing I don't allow myself to spank because at that moment he would have gotten a spanking  and it would have been out of anger......which is the worse possible punishment ever!  Spanking out of anger has some serious negative effects......it's ranked right up there with yelling at your kids, which is exactly what I did.....unintentionally!

When he finally realized I was very upset with him he stopped in his tracks and said, "I obey mommy!"........... like when someone is about to catch you so you just surrender. It didn't matter what he said at that point, he was going to time-out and I was going to take a breather before I discussed his behavior. I sent my mom out to the car to get Colby's time-out mat and she informed me that my neighbors were starring and it must be because all my windows were up!!

Lovely......next time why don't I just record one of Colby's escapades and me losing my cool and just play it on a projector in the front lawn!

Getting too loud is definitely a weakness that I pray about frequently. It just comes out and I don't even realize I'm getting loud. If I'm correcting Colby and he isn't responding  to my request, my voice starts getting higher and higher with each request.......as if that helps. It actually makes it worse. I told Chris that I don't realize when I'm getting too loud so I asked him to inform me anytime my voice starts raising above a normal voice. I didn't won't Colby to think Daddy was rebuking Mommy so we made up a password..... potato.

It really works! Chris can sense my frustration and determine if I'm about to raise my voice and he says.....potato! It's a great way to stop, cool down, and it makes me laugh.

Too bad Chris was at work because the neighbors didn't say "potato!"

Mom told me I got too loud with him so I used it as a learning lesson and  I apologized to Colby. I told him that I was being rude by yelling and I was sorry. I explained that I was aggravated, and I didn't make the right choice!

His response......

Its otay, I have a happy heart now!!


Bless his heart!!  We went to Daddy's football game, where he sat in time-out again....

but had so much fun with the AMR staff!!!

Until Next Time.............

Fun While It Last!!

Who would have ever thought that two years ago when I sat next to Ashley in Tori's Sing & Sign class that we would be best friends to this day?

We instantly clicked and had so much in common! I ran home and told Chris all about her.....you know, like back in the day when you would call your girlfriend to tell her all about your new crush! We have the same parenting style, beliefs, values, and we are both SAHMs......it was fate!! We get together several times a week, and I don't know what I would have done without her these past two years. Her oldest son is strong-willed so she has really advised me well with Colby. I just love our friendship!!

Through Ashley and bible study I also met another great friend, Sara! She now joins us for playgroups weekly and breakfast on Wednesday mornings! Let me just tell you she is one fab momma and Colby loves her little girl, Eden!!

What we have is OH SO GREAT, but unfortunately has to come to an end soon. Both their husbands are residents and will be taking my besties far away from Mississippi as soon as they finish Med school...boo! I really am happy for them since they don't have any family here to help.....I can't even imagine! I will miss them dearly and will keep in touch forever!!

We all three took the kiddos to the Zoo this morning!

Well, we are going to have fun while it last!!

Thank goodness God is having mercy on me and Kevin took a job at UMC, therefore not taking my Kim away too!! Kim is also fabulous and just became a SHAM a few short months ago, but she is out of commission at this time......baby #3 just arrived!

Hurry up Kim......I'm missing you and the Kosek clan!!

Discipline a Boy's Heart

I read this today and loved it......had to share it!!

Discipline and a Boy's heart

Boys will get into trouble; it's just a part of growing up. When they do, what they need is discipline that is clear and consistent (not shaming and aggressive). This discipline must come from a framework of maturity, wisdom, and love.

We must use discipline to build character and conscience, not merely to manufacture compliant behavior and obedience. True obedience is a by-product of love, not fear. For obedience to be authentic, it must be grounded in trust and loyalty, as a response to trust, not as a reaction to the threat of harm. When a boy believes that we have his best interests in mind, he is more likely to obey than if he is motivated by fear. Discipline through manipulation or fear will ultimately bury a boy's heart in shame, and eventually he will feel that he has no choice but to rebel in order to be himself.

Boys need the strong hand of love and the tender hand of discipline. The best discipline combines both tenderness and strength. For a boy to become a man of courage and sensitivity, he must must be disciplined with love and respect. If he is shamed, punitively demeaned, frightened, or raged at, he will learn to distrust authority, deny his sensitive nature, rest in passivity, or dissent.

Discipline is more closely related to teaching than it is to punishment. Think of Jesus and his disciples. He taught them mostly by example, action, and gentle correction. Only occasionally did he rebuke them. To discipline the boys we love, we need to lead them by modeling truth, justice, love, honor, mercy, compassion, passion, risk, hope, and faith.

The book of Proverbs says, "direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it."

Nurturing boys  requires that our discipline be geared toward lovingly unveiling their strength and courage according to their own characteristics. Whenever we discipline boys, we must do so in a way that addresses then as the unique, noble creatures they truly are-- in ways that honor them and their masculinity. By disciplining our boys in ways that do not shame them, we honor their desire for strength, reinforce their sensitivity, and encourage them toward valor. If our boys are to stand a chance at life, they need to enter manhood believing that they are good men. If they don't, they will be starting out behind the eight ball.

Stephen James, M.A. and David Thomas M.S.S.W