Positive Time-Out

I've had an abundance of questions about positive time-outs, so here it goes!

 

Before I even had children I knew physical punishment wasn't up my alley, it just felt wrong in my heart for so many reasons. I knew what kind of mom I wanted to be, but I didn't quite have a backup plan for undesirable behavior. What I did know was, permissiveness was not an option, and firm, kind, and peaceful was my vision. I wasn't aware of all the unbelievable, effective positive discipline tools at the time, so I jumped on the time-out bandwagon. Not only did I jump on it, but executed it waaaaaaaay too early. Research shows children can't even comprehend the concept until approximately the age of three. I started sending my son to time out before his second birthday but quickly realized that he was getting so distraught from me isolating him that once he calmed down, he had no clue why he went to time-out in the first place. I searched out alternatives, and that was essentially the beginning of my positive discipline quest, a life changing quest!

Exercise:
Pretend you just came home from work and your spouse greets you at the door and says," I can't believe you left such a mess in the bathroom this morning. I'm sick and tired of cleaning up after you. Go to your room and think about what you did, and don't come out until I tell you?

How would you be feeling?

Loved?
Respected?
Eager to clean up the mess?

Probably not!

Kids in time-out are not thinking....
"Thank you so much. This time-out is so helpful. I'm so grateful that I'm learning so much. I can hardly wait until I can bring all my problems to you because you are so encouraging!"

What they probably are thinking..........
Three R's of punishment:
Rebellion: "They can't make me. I'll do what I want."
Revenge: "I'll get even and hurt back, even if it hurts me."
Retreat: 1. Low self-esteem, "I must be a bad person."
             2. Sneaky, "I just won't get caught next time."




"Sending children away to get control of their anger perpetuates the feeling of 'badness" inside them...Chances are they were already feeling not very good about themselves before the outburst and the isolation just serves to confirm in their own minds that they were right." (Otto Weininger,Ph.D. Time-In Parenting)


On the other hand, a positive time-out can teach self-regulation.

Sit down with your child to create a positive time out area WITH him or her. Start by explaining, "Sometimes we get upset and need to calm down. Let's create a positive area. This is not about punishment, but a place that will help you calm down and feel better. What would you like in your space? It might include pillows, stuffed animals, books, music, etc.

                                              (my favorite book in our calm down corner)

It also helps for the child to give it a special name.
Calm down corner
Feel good place
Space
Cool off spot

Instead of sending your child to time out ASK:
1. Would it help  you to go to your "Calm down corner?"
2. Would you like me to go with you?
3. Model this life skill by going yourself when you start to lose your cool.






Yes, external motivators can be effective if all you are interested in is stopping the behavior right now through punishment. However, punishment doesn't help children develop "internal motivation" to develop the characteristics and life skills you want for them.

Children do better when they feel better. "Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better we must first make them feel worse?
- Jane Nelsen

                                            Baby Girl loves to play in calm down corner!



Enjoy The Journey!

Baby Hudson's Empowered Birth

My dear friend, Jamie, announced she was in labor or should I say birthing goddess proclaimed the upcoming blessing. I arrived as quick as possible, I knew it was going to be an empowering experience,  I intended to be front row!

I entered her birthing space and immediately felt her strength. She was in tuned, focused,

 

 breathing baby down,

and soaking up the support.

Mama decided to head to the pool for comfort,

 where she was joined by her birthing team.

 Her son was an amazing birth coach! He gave her words of affirmation and endless TLC.

                                             
                               

                                                 

                                              

   With trust, faith, and support she allowed the birth experience to enlighten and empower her.
                                                             
                                                       (minutes before show time)

 

                             One last hug to give mom the energy she needed to bring baby earth side.

                           She released all fear and allowed the power and intensity of her pressure waves to complete the journey,

and just like that,

 

a gentle birth that will shape his life.

                                                 
                                                     All was perfect in his new world, and

                                                   
                                                 Mommy was on cloud nine!
                                                    

 

 

Baby Hudson's birth day consisted of unconditional love, joy, & peace........I was in awe!

 

9 lbs of pure sweetness!

 

Whenever and however you intend to give birth, your experience will impact your emotions, your mind, your body and your spirit for the rest of your life.
-Ina May Gaskin





Enjoy The Journey!