Love is not Irritable (even dealing with a toddler)

I have to admit life with Colby has been somewhat difficult in the past few weeks. He has been defiant in many ways

screaming "no" at the top of his lungs (It's quite irritating).

acting out deliberately such as:


Me: Colby, don't you dare pour the water out of the bathtub

Colby: Noooooooo (dumps the bucket out and floods my bathroom floor)

Me: Why would you do that, I've told you 100 times not to do that?

Colby: hehe

running around the room while I'm trying to get him dressed and then squirming and kicking the entire time I'm getting his attire on

Climbing out of time-out and saying, "watch me".

running down the street and laughing at me as I'm chasing behind him yelling, "stop".

and worst of all......TANTRUMS!



Chris and I have always said we would not result to spanking, and I hate to admit it but Colby has had a few in the last several weeks. If we gave him a warning, used time-out, and he still continued then Chris would give him one pop on the behind but he made a tremendous effort to make sure it wasn't out of anger and he discussed it with Colby and always concluded with hugs and kisses.



After each spanking, we both felt horrible and wish it wouldn't have happened. I believe if something feels that bad then it's just not right for us!



It actually made his behavior worse. I really started to pray for guidance and answers. Chris and I are doing the Love Dare and I found my answer in love dare #6 Love is not irritable.



When under pressure love doesn't turn sour. Love does not get angry or hurt. Rage and violence are out of the question. A loving person will remain calm and patient.

I realized it is our fault when we become irritated with Colby's behavior.

Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Too often we throw caution to the wind and run full speed ahead, doing what feels right at the moment. Soon we are gasping for air, wound up in knots, and ready to snap. The increasing pressure can wear away at our patience and relationships. The bible teaches us to let love guide your relationships so you aren't caught up in unnecessary arguments (colossians 3:12-14).



We both knew God was speaking to us and we had some changes to make. We both agreed no more spanking....period!! We would be consistent with time-out and if we began to get too irritated by his behavior we will walk away, compose our patience, and come back to tackle the situation with love and understanding. This is only a stage that will be short lived and we don't won't to make mistakes that will effect the rest of his life just because we are lacking patience.



I immediately remembered a book that my friend Ashley gave me a while back and thank goodness she did! I read the baby info but skipped this part because I assumed Colby would never be so defiant......lol how naive!!
I don't think it's a coincidence that I thought about it.....it's the way God works!!

Ashley is an amazing mom that disciplines without spanking and it's working for her.........so I was anxious to get started on reading the secrets she received from this book so I can better understand how to tackle the twos!!

I love this book!!
I stayed up way past my bedtime last night becasue I couldn't get enough. The things I learned and applied just today have been WONDERFUL! We have had a calm, enjoyable day with not 1 tantrum!! Not too bad for the first day huh?

Info that slapped me in the face:

#1
Understanding why your toddler says "no" helps you to not be threatened by your toddler's behavior. Your toddler is not actually being defiant or stubborn. He is not saying, "I won't" rather, he is saying, "I don't won't to". This behavior is a normal part of your toddlers struggle to develop a sense of self. Some parents feel they can not tolerate a no from their child which winds up curtailing an important process of self-emergence. The boundaries of selfhood will be weak if it the self gets no exercise. As your child gets older the ability to get along with peers in certain situations (stealing, cheating, drugs, and so on ) will depend on her ability to say "no".

When a parent feels threatened by a toddler's "no" harsh words are likely to come. A confident parent will not perceive this as a threat to authority but rather as a healthy stage all toddlers need to go through. A mature adult does not react anxiously or punitively.

Wow....slap us in the face twice!!!! We were being immature and lacking confidence, but we are making a change right now that will better the life of our children.

#2
Discipline problems are likely to occur when a child is making a transition, such as a new sibling.
He needs more attention and love than ever before......not spankings.

#3
A toddler is not being defiant when you have to tell them something over and over.
Many directives don't sink in because most don't yet have the cognitive ability to remember and reflect on prior instructions.
This gets better closer to age three because they can internalize what you say.

#4
No amount of spanking will correct a child's behavior when the adult is not there to administer the blows ( they behave out of fear so when the adult isn't around they don't behave). Hitting is confusing and he won't know why he is being hit. There is always a better way to handle any situation.

I would love to tell you all the great advice to correct these behaviors without spanking but there is way to much info. It has great tactics that really work so get the book!!



Our Trip to New Orleans

eating beignets got a little messy!