No Grass No Scream

Chris went to his annual Catholic Men's Retreat this past weekend. He was gone for four LONG days. I'm so happy he got to attend, and I know how much he gets out of it, but boy oh boy....did I miss him! I was aware that he does a lot for me, but I didn't realize just how much until he wasn't here. He just always knows exactly what to do when I need him to do it! He can tell in my tone of voice when I need him to come to the rescue with Colby, when I need an extra hand at dinner time, and he knows when I just can't fold another load of clothes and still remain sane....so he gets to folding! Most of all he knows exactly when I need a hug, kiss, and a "I love you, baby" that reminds me my life is oh so good, no matter how hectic my home is at the moment! I will never take him for granted because I know I could never do it without him!

You remember from 2 of my previous blogs that we are working out our approach to disciplining so that it's pleasing to our Savior and makes us confident as parents. We tried spanking for about 2 weeks until we were completely convicted of our choice. We decided spanking was against our parenting beliefs and we terminated spankings in the Jones household, but Chris still had a heavy heart about the spankings he had already given Colby.

Okay...this is one reason why I love this man so much...he has the biggest heart, that melts mine! These so called spankings were one little swat on the booty that followed with, "Colby, daddy doesn't like doing that so please do what daddy ask you to do, okay? I love you so much! Give me a hug and a kiss, and don't make daddy do that anymore".

Why do parents always refer to themselves in the third person? Anyway...he had some one-on-one time with the priest at the retreat and was hoping to get some enlightenment on the issue. Chris said when he told him that we spanked our 2 year old, he made an expression that said, "you child abuser". I'm sure he didn't mean to and I'm sure a little bit of it was in Chris's head. But he must of thought.....well if they spanked their two year old then they must be uneducated, hillbillies because his next comment was...

Well, have you heard of the new parenting technique....TIME-OUT?

ummmm...no, never heard of it. Seriously, that just cracks me up......as if we wouldn't try that first. He was well intentioned and he really did help Chris feel confident in his decision to never spank our children.

I'm sure hearing two-years old did sound disturbing to him. I think sometimes we forget that Colby just turned two and we expect way to much. He is smart and very verbal so he just seems older...... we need to have realistic expectations. We think...he is potty trained, he remembers everything we teach him, he tells us exactly what he wants and how he wants it so we assume he should be able to follow directions but when I look at another child his age I don't expect the same.....not sure why? I know it sounds crazy!

Even his misbehaviors are usually things that older children would do. I kept 2 year olds for 2 years and they just seemed like babies...Colby doesn't seem like a baby at all! My point of all that being said is, the priest probably had a different image of a 2 year old.

He made a good point though. If Colby wasn't always getting certain concepts from time-out then why did we expect him to understand why we ( the parents who love him unconditionally) were hitting him.

He has hit Chase twice and how could we very well say, "no Colby, we don't hit" when we were......it's too confusing. I feel great when I can say,

"Colby, we never hit anyone,

do mommy and daddy do that, No

it isn't nice and it isn't pleasing to God to hurt others!

He wasn't hitting Chase because he was mad at Chase he was hitting Chase because he was mad at me. Both times that Colby hit Chase was when I was nursing. I'm sure he is very confused why Chase gets this extra, cuddly, undivided attention and he doesn't like it. I now make it a point to get him occupied with something else before I even start and it's working. I also am making a huge effort to give him all the attention he needs. When Chase is asleep I play with Colby the entire time...no more cleaning during that time because he was acting out to get my attention.

I've mentioned him doing defiant things since Chase arrived, such as dumping buckets of water out of the bathtub while we are saying, "don't you dare dump that water out." Yesterday he was taking a bath and I had to walk out of the room, get Chase, and bring him back in the bathroom to nurse. Colby immediately started dumping water on the floor. By the time I put Chase down and could stop him my bathroom was flooded!

I've been praying for understanding and God has been revealing certain things. I realized his bath time was always special for us. We always played games and he loved it!

Of course...

Now I get it...

He doesn't understand why bath time hasn't been the same so he reacts in a way that he knows will get my attention...

negative attention is better than no attention. (That makes me want to cry)

So I took all his toys out and told him that for a few days he won't get to play in the bathtub since he flooded the bathroom. I feel so much better about making rational punishments instead of showing anger and spanking. I also took a bath with him last night to give him some special time while Chris got chase ready for bed.

We also came up with a way to manage the screaming that usually escalated into a tantrum. Our new house rule is

NO GRASS, NO SCREAM

He has learned that he needs to be on grass to scream.....no screaming inside. If he starts to scream, I remind him "no grass, no scream" and by the time he goes outside he has calmed down or either started laughing!

Hey....you gotta get in the mind of a 2 year old and do whatever works!!!

He might be strong-willed but he is also the sweetest thing in the world and he has my heart wrapped around his little finger! I know that God will use that strong-will to do great things one day but for now it's to teach us patience and understanding!!