* I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
* Worry about nothing and pray about everything
I think the fear began to set in this morning when my doula told me she had a family emergency and won't be back in town for another week or maybe longer, which means she might miss the birth. I need her support and Chris needs her guidance!! Once again, I should pray and not worry (okay God.....I know, I know).
I know that if I don't deliver Chase naturally, I will feel like a failure. When I was pregnant with Colby I considered a drug fee delivery, but I didn't prepare or educate myself. Lacking knowledge about the matter made me quick to change my mind after I heard a doctor say, "get the epidural, it's fine."
I have heard so many people say, "God gave doctors the ability to ease the pain so take advantage of it."
It's a ludicrous comment because a doctor also created abortion but it doesn't mean that God had a hand in the situation.
Why would God create labor to be one way and then want man to change it to be our way?
When I decided to have a natural birth a friend of mine gave me these books to prepare for the big event.
After reading these books, I felt regret that I didn't give Colby the same start in life as I intend to give Chase. Now that I have all this information racing through my mind, I feel accountable.
With Colby I didn't know the dangers of
being induced
having my water broke
how the drugs effect me, the baby, breastfeeding, and initial bonding
It all reminds me of breastfeeding with Colby. I knew everything there was to know about nursing and all the benefits so I made my mind up that no matter how hard it got, quitting wasn't an option. It was tough for weeks, but I kept repeating in my head all the things I knew about breastfeeding and I didn't won't to fail Colby or myself.
I'm not in anyway saying that mothers who don't nurse are failures.......it was something within me. I know many amazing moms that didn't nurse, it's a personal decision.
So.......... I wonder if my mind will work the same way during labor and will it be enough to get me through the pain. I don't know the answer, but I do know that no matter what........
I pray that God will give me peace about the outcome.
I can't believe it's almost time to do this again!
4 comments:
no matter what you decide, you won't be a failure.
The birthing of children is NEVER in the "failure" category. You are about to bring an amazing life into this world and NO MATTER how he gets here...drugs, no drugs, doula, no doula, nursing, no nursing...he will be an amazing baby! I know you will do great no matter the circumstances! keep repeating the positive comments over and over in your head...
Britanny is so good with words, she knows just what to say! And she is 100% correct here!
You are going to be great! You are an amazing mother, wife, and friend. You are so strong and educated and you will be able to make the best decision for you and Chase on the big day, and at the end of the day it will be the best decision.
I want to do anything that I can do to help out on Chase's birthday and all the days before and after. I am a great cheerleader, and I'm pretty good at the tough love thing so maybe that would be good to have around in those tough moments. Maybe you should send a book to school with Chris tomorrow and let me do a little reading.
I've really enjoyed our new friendship...thanks so much for all you did to help out with the kids tonight. You are a lifesaver, and Kate is still talking about Colby and "Biggie."
if i don't make it in time, you will do fine without me! i don't have any magic that will make it happen for you. all you need is a will and there will be a way! i will try to get home ASAP!
oh yeah, and the fear is completely NORMAL and doesn't mean you are going to "chicken out". Jesus knew what was going to happen to him and he was afraid, right?
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