Cry It Out......PROBLEM SOLVED

Where oh where do I even begin with this post? My "Cry It Out" post caused somewhat of a controversy.

Let me begin by saying a blog is where someone records their thoughts, opinions, passionate beliefs, concerns, and anything that's on their mind or heart. With that being said, if I don't like a person's blog.....I just don't read it. I would suggest you do the same! I'm saying that in the nicest way...I promise!

My topics are relevant to my life at this time, just like in 10 or 12 years I will probably be writing about living with a teenager. Just because I write on a topic doesn't mean I think I'm an expert on that topic, it simply means it's something that I have dealt with or dealing with and I have searched for the best possible solution for my family. Anytime I write about raising children, it's for the purpose of helping other people that might be going through the same thing. I have learned so much from other mommy blogs and their advice, which I'm thankful!

What a sad life it would be if no one gave their opinion, allowing us to see different perspectives! I'm always going to voice my thoughts and I'm not going to agree with you just to make you happy. I believe what I believe no matter who I'm in the company of!

I had some really good comments concerning "crying it out" but they were too afraid of the backlash from others to publish it so they sent it privately. This is exactly why I wrote this blog. There are mommies out there that people have actually made feel guilty because they think it's wrong to let their baby "cry it out" and after reading my blog it gave them the confidence and encouragement to go with their own instincts and not the way of others.

I also received the following message on my blog comments but I deleted it because I didn't won't to promote "crying it out" but then I realized I was being just as a shallow and close minded as the one that said I should keep my opinions to myself so here it is:


At 6 months I let my child cry it out and he's been sleeping anywhere from 10- 12 hrs a night and taking since then with few problems and taking a 2-3 hour nap. I've also taken many college level psychology classes, feel very educated (actually, I am very educated), and have read multiple books disputing the fact that children should cry it out. That they have to learn healthy sleep habits like they learn to walk. Try "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. Very good points. Do I feel crying it out is the only way? No, I think it depends on the age, child, situation, etc. Did I follow his every recommendation. No, I have my own brain and own instincts. I took bits of info from several resources along with my instinct and did what I felt was best. I would never be so self centered or narrow minded as to think my choice of parenting was the only way...just what I think was best for my child in my circumstance. In my case its raised a healthy child, a well rested child, a child that loves his parents with no attachment issues, a child with no more separation anxiety than what is age appropriate for a 2 year old. There are multiple styles of parenting and multiple types of personalities in children. Parenting is not and will never be black and white where one method fits all. Just thought a little advice and opinion from the other side might broaden horizons a little.
Sarah

I agree with a lot of Sarah's points. I don't believe there is only one way and I agree that parenting will never be black and white but that doesn't stop me from expressing my opinions on my blog.

I noticed that you also said you waited until 6 months and I mentioned that my concern was mothers who are taking advice that it's okay to let a newborn "cry it out", which goes against 99% of pediatricians. If your pediatrician is in the other 1%......run fast!!

I actually have read that book and I do believe that you have to teach babies good sleep habits but it doesn't mean they should be left to cry every night and for long periods of time.

I know that some babies have to cry for a few minutes to fall asleep, it's their way of shutting out the world.....not at all what I mean when I say "cry it out".

It's very heartbreaking to me when young babies are left to "cry it out" because you don't know what they need or why they are crying. A 6 week old might have reflux and just you holding them is the comfort they need to help with the pain. What if a baby just has a bad day (like adults do) and just want to be held! What if I had a bad day and my husband put me in my room and said, "just get in there and cry it out on your own until you fall asleep"......that's the message we are sending because a baby doesn't know why we would leave them alone to cry when all they want is our touch!

Ashley did post her comment on Facebook and it was very informative so I thought I would share:
I commend you, Amanda, for having the guts to post this. This is the type of stuff I used to say on my blog that caused people to stop talking to me in droves! But, if someone doesn't stand for what's right, how will anybody have any perspective?!

TRUST. The ability to trust a parent and, therefore, to trust people in general for the rest of his life is developed in the first year of life. Whether you like Freud or not, he's right about this.

Sensitivity toward your child. This is kept in tact by responding to your child's needs (cries) immediately, every time. It is impossible for a mother to go against her nurturing instinct and ignore her baby's need unless she forces herself to desensitize herself to her child. This sometimes includes getting angry and turning the whole thing into a battle of "me vs. you".... with an infant...??? Save your battles for age two. You will need your strong will AND, more importantly, your sensitivity toward your child.... See More

If you aren't willing to hold and cuddle your infant (which is ALL he/she wants in the world, other than milk), you should ask yourself... Why did I have this baby? My mom asked me this question many times before I had a baby to make sure I was ready when the time came. If the answer is relational in any way, don't cry it out...it tears down the relationship. If the answer is altruistic in any way (I wanted to have someone to give my life to and "be about", etc...), don't cry it out-- here's your chance to give of yourself. You might be tired. Give. You might be exhausted. Keep giving. You are building the basics for a good relationship with your child for the rest of your life. One year of getting up at night (called "Night time parenting" by the Sears) is WELL worth establishing the ultimate trust you will desire in the toddler years, your child's adult years, and especially the teenage years.

Don't let your child cry it out out of fear. What is the harm in letting your child sleep with you? He doesn't neccessarily have to keep sleeping with you until he's 6 or 11 or 2 or 3 or whatever your "that's where i draw the line" age is. If you are that exhausted and tired and sleep deprived, what would be the harm in taking your child into your bed? It not only won't harm him or you, it will probably help. You will find that all babies sleep better right next to mother where they can hear and smell her. Afraid you will roll over on her? Get a co-sleeper, or take one side off your crib and scoot it up right next to the bed. You will be amazed at how many times you can get up at night if you aren't having to physically get out of bed. Talk to your child about sleeping in her own room when she's old enough to reason and compromise... and sleep all the way through the night!

Newborns' stomachs are the size of marbles. Not the big marble, the small one. After a few weeks, it is the size of a big marble. No wonder they can't make it more than a couple of hours without re-filling their pitifully small little tummies! Be sensitive to that!

Be also sensitive to the fact that they were recently LIVING INSIDE OF YOU. Can you imagine what the difference must be like? Let them let you go gradually. One minute without you seems like an eternity to them. Patience and waiting and discipline are what WE should be working on, as adults. Babies are working on trust and feeling out, through the relationship with their mother, what people of the world are like. There will be plenty of time to teach them that life is tough and that there are disappointments in life. Enjoy their innocence while you can, because it is fleeting.

Babies under one year (up to age 2, i would argue) are not "being selfish". They are communicating their needs in the ONLY way they know how, and they are completely dependent on the people around them. Teach them that the people around them love and care about them, and don't try to "discipline" your infant when it comes to sleep. There will be plenty of time to discipline and be a super-star, consistent, hard-core disciplinarian when your child turns 2-3. Remember, your baby didn't ask to be born, and nobody said it would be easy. Even Dr. Ferber came out recently and admitted that he was wrong, wrong, wrong.

In other words: Well said, Amanda! I agree with you, and "You go girl!"


Jessica also had good points:
well said amanda...we've had this conversation...so u kno i agree! and i agree w/ ashley too...we were a co-sleepin family as well. they need to be comforted by their mommy and daddy. for me personally, co-sleeping (and breastfeeding) made me feel so much closer to my child.
so, i applaud u for sayin something...i get tired of hearing this as well... See More...along w/ people talkin young girls out of breasfeeding. no woman should be ashamed of breastfeeding or co-sleeping.. or for not lettin their child cry it out. i had someone tell me once when kaitlyn was a baby to let her cry it out...i felt terrible while attempting to take their advice (#1 sign that something isn't right about it) and kaitlyn screamed for an hour until i finally i got her and i NEVER did it again. I tell people this all the time...listen to ur heart...and ur mommy instincts...they will always guide u. God created us mommy's to have them..its NOT always best to take other peoples advice. besides, ALL children are different. something that worked for them doesnt always work for u. its ok to ask for advice or help...but u will kno if its right for u or not.


_______________________________________________


I never write anything to intentionally offend anyone or even try to persuade you to change your way of doing things......I write it for someone that might be struggling with a decision and wants more insight.

I'm the type of person that loves opinions and different perspectives because it makes me a better mom, like my friend who said:

Get real, quit expecting so much out of a 2 year old and educate yourself about age appropriate behavior as she handed me a very helpful book

but I have come to realize that all moms do not like any advice that differs from their way of life so if you read something in my blog that you don't like......I promise it won't offend me in the least if you hit the little x box at the top right corner

PROBLEM SOLVED!!!