Discipline a Boy's Heart

I read this today and loved it......had to share it!!

Discipline and a Boy's heart

Boys will get into trouble; it's just a part of growing up. When they do, what they need is discipline that is clear and consistent (not shaming and aggressive). This discipline must come from a framework of maturity, wisdom, and love.

We must use discipline to build character and conscience, not merely to manufacture compliant behavior and obedience. True obedience is a by-product of love, not fear. For obedience to be authentic, it must be grounded in trust and loyalty, as a response to trust, not as a reaction to the threat of harm. When a boy believes that we have his best interests in mind, he is more likely to obey than if he is motivated by fear. Discipline through manipulation or fear will ultimately bury a boy's heart in shame, and eventually he will feel that he has no choice but to rebel in order to be himself.

Boys need the strong hand of love and the tender hand of discipline. The best discipline combines both tenderness and strength. For a boy to become a man of courage and sensitivity, he must must be disciplined with love and respect. If he is shamed, punitively demeaned, frightened, or raged at, he will learn to distrust authority, deny his sensitive nature, rest in passivity, or dissent.

Discipline is more closely related to teaching than it is to punishment. Think of Jesus and his disciples. He taught them mostly by example, action, and gentle correction. Only occasionally did he rebuke them. To discipline the boys we love, we need to lead them by modeling truth, justice, love, honor, mercy, compassion, passion, risk, hope, and faith.

The book of Proverbs says, "direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it."

Nurturing boys  requires that our discipline be geared toward lovingly unveiling their strength and courage according to their own characteristics. Whenever we discipline boys, we must do so in a way that addresses then as the unique, noble creatures they truly are-- in ways that honor them and their masculinity. By disciplining our boys in ways that do not shame them, we honor their desire for strength, reinforce their sensitivity, and encourage them toward valor. If our boys are to stand a chance at life, they need to enter manhood believing that they are good men. If they don't, they will be starting out behind the eight ball.

Stephen James, M.A. and David Thomas M.S.S.W